Should my ex help with the arrangements to transport our children between our homes over the weekend?

Dear Marcie

My ex and I have two children (ages 4 and 7). Our current agreement is that I have the kids at my home every other weekend and they are with my ex the rest of the time. My ex lives about a 2 hour drive away. I drive on a Saturday morning to go and collect the kids, then return them to my ex on Sunday evenings. I find that the travel time is really eating into our weekends together. I would also really like to have more weekend time with the children and my partner, who is pregnant with our first child. I am worried about the strain that these travel arrangements will have on my homelife once the baby is born. Is it reasonable for me to suggest a change to the arrangements with my ex?

Best wishes

Sam, Colchester

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Hi Sam

In short, yes. If there are no physical or other reasons why your ex can’t bring your kids and share that responsibility, then ideally you’ll share it or at least your ex would make a contribution. Perhaps there is a reason that she doesn’t drive them? It might be worth finding that out first. I’ve seen first-hand where parents use the reasons of the break-up as an excuse to make the other parent do all the running. I’d remind everyone that your adult relationship and the reason for the separation has nothing to do with how you show up to parenting.

Perhaps you can explain your concerns about your time with the children and the new addition to your family (congratulations) and start from there? It’s important that your children see their parents both being fair and thoughtful towards each other, so that might be another way to frame this in your conversation.

Warmly

Marcie