My ex doesn’t expect the children to complete their homework. I am concerned about this developing into a fun parent/serious parent dynamic

Dear Marcie

I separated from my ex last year. We have two children together, aged 5 and 7.  The children currently spend alternate weekends, and one afternoon a week, with my ex and otherwise live with me. Since our separation, my ex has made very limited efforts to help with our children’s homework. The homework they get is neither time-consuming, nor difficult, but it generally does require supervision, particularly with our youngest, who is only set homework over the weekend. Because the children are with me the majority of the time, my ex considers that it is primarily my responsibility to help with the children’s homework, and that his time with the children should be filled with fun activities. This is not such an issue now, but I am worried about a precedent being set whereby my ex is seen as the fun parent and I am seen as the serious parent. I do also think that it is important that we both play an active role in the children’s education, including helping with homework. Is there anything you can recommend to help with this issue.

Best wishes

Jessie, Yeovil

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Dear Jessie

Thanks for writing in. Setting habits early is helpful. That way the kids learn and understand that there is an expectation of them to do homework in both their houses. However when one of you is less involved it can be difficult to get that message across. Try talking to your ex about the future, so in 8-10 years time, when they’re doing key exams, and asking him about what he wants for the kids at that point in their lives and beyond? Chances are he won’t say that he doesn’t want them to succeed. More likely is that he will be hopeful that they do well and have opportunities. By helping him see that you can then slowly walk him back to the now, and gently show him that the habits you both set now with the kids and how you teach them about work, will help set them up well for the future.

Good luck

Marcie