My ex and I disagree over our 17 year old’s plans for travel abroad – how can I discuss this with him?

Hi Marcie

My 17-year-old daughter wants to go inter-railing in the summer with some friends. I am worried that they are not old enough, but I am fearful that my ex-partner is going to say the complete opposite and accuse me of trying to control too much. I know my daughter will ask him and then seek to play us off against each other. Our co-parenting relationship is very fragile, and I cannot easily just pick up the phone to have a conversation with him. How can I start the conversation so that he listens to me rather than just dismissing what I say out of hand which is what I think he will do.

Best, Rebecca

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Dear Rebecca

Let’s have a think about this in a different way.

Is your daughter mature enough and sensible enough to go inter-railing? Do you trust her friends? Will they look out for each other? How will this experience be for them? Will they grow and learn about life? If you can look at things from your daughter’s perspective and what the impact of the trip will be on her, then that might help you decide how to approach it. If you can start the conversation with your ex asking him for his opinion and really listening to his answer, not interrupting and keeping an open mind and open facial expression then he just might be able to better hear your own concerns. By starting with his opinion, he will feel important (even though you’re not giving him this importance) and it will help him be more able to listen to you.

Good luck,

Marcie