How do I cope with my own emotions when my children are away with my ex-partner?

Dear Marcie

My ex and I have a court order providing that the children spend half the holidays with each of us.  As the summer approaches I feel sick at the idea of my two daughters, who are only 3 and 5, spending two weeks with their dad and going abroad without me. I know it will need happen, but I don’t know how to manage the emotions I feel about it. The children are worried too and I don’t know how to allay their fears at being apart from me for so long when I feel the fears too. I am even toying with travelling to the country they are going to just to be on hand if needed.  Their dad is a good man, but he is often distracted by work and is not ‘on top’ of what the girls are getting up to. I lie awake worrying about them being around a pool or at the beach and him looking at his work emails. Is that stupid?

Many thanks,

Kate, Richmond

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Dear Kate

I feel you. Saying goodbye to your children when they are that young is the hardest thing. I became a co-parent when our son was one year old so I know how hard it can be. What I would say is this. Even though their dad can get a bit distracted, does he love them? Does he keep them safe? If so then that should be enough to allay your fears. If you can trust that he will care for them then celebrate the fact they will have a lovely holiday with him. He won’t get much time on his phone or at work with a 3 and 5-year-old wanting to play.

The second thing I want to address is you. Whilst your daughters are away, what will you do? I would like you to have something in your diary to look forward to. If you’re staying home to work, then what will you do in the evenings? How will you spend your time, which friends will you see? It’s really important to stay sociable when you’re going through this hard thing. And if you can manage it, is there something you’ve always wanted to do that you could use this time for? It’s ok to self care, in fact as a co-parent it’s fundamental.

Best wishes,

Marcie